|
| After 2100 miles in 2 weeks, home has rarely seemed so welcoming. Even the chill has a bracing charm. The leaves --- which we feared would vanish --- are not all fallen. Lisa is doing laundry; I extract a Christmas tree from its box. Stacks of mail languish on the dining room table: Not now. Tonight we will dine on cereal (I've missed it!). We don't leave again until tomorrow, so forgive us if we savor the mundane. We have our little rituals here; we'll cycle through a few of them before departing in the morning. This road --- this winding pathway of writing and speaking, counseling and teaching, ministry and weddings --- this is our life. It draws us together, not apart, and sometimes its graces call us home --- if only for a moment. from the journey...
| | |
| So the wedding is finally over and eventually you'll write those "thank-you" notes. You're back from your honeymoon, looking forward to a life of romance, intimacy, and deep friendship.
Should happen, right?
But both of you are working, life is busy, and before you know it --- you look and sound like some of the 'old married couples' you know. So how did you up HERE???
We work with 20-something married couples all the time; here's what you need to know.
Would you believe a 20-something married guy spends HOURS a day playing on-line video games, but MINUTES a day in meaningful, engaging conversation with his wife?
Would you believe a 20-something married gal spends HOURS a day updating her Facebook page and connecting with MySpace friends, yet only MINUTES a day in face time with her guy?
Hey, maybe that's not the pathway to true intimacy.
Remember those long walks, coffee dates, and hours spent talking on the phone? You were madly in love and it showed --- EVERYONE noticed.
Hey, it's time to get back to the future.
Send each other silly text messages while you're at work.
Buy each other small gifts for no reason, without waiting for a special occasion.
Do a chore around the house --- because it's there, not because someone asked. Find your partner's laptop and sit there.
| | |
| I fell in love with Lisa on July 25, 1975 --- and every day since then.
I was 18 years old when I met an 18-year-old who is now my wife. I was impressed: Amazing smile, quick laugh, cute face, very pleasing shape. That was enough to get my attention, but it was her Christian character and her high intelligence that made me keep coming back.
I fell in love with her on July 25, 1975 --- and today --- and every one of the hundreds of days in between. I love her today (forever).
We spent several hours tonight counseling another married couple, also in ministry, both needing some healing after a bad experience in a church. The stress of that toxic, unhealthy congregation has taken its toll on this marriage. Yet as we peel back the layers, stripping away the surface hurts and recent arguments --- the core of their relationship is solid and strong.
Love is a choice, not a feeling.
Has it really been three decades since the two of us, attending the same college, began to realize we shared the same values, dreamed the same dreams, and even grew up in similar families? Both of us grew up reading, our noses buried in books, emptying out the library for the trip home.
Three decades later, books that we've written are in the U.S. Library of Congress, and at our local WalMart store, and staring at us (just tonight) from the shelves of our neighborhood Barnes & Noble. Who knew, all those years ago, that two 18-year-old wannabe writers --- would end up writing?
We're still going the same direction, hand in hand, still moving forward.
We've watched a lot of our friends split up across these years. He found someone 'more interesting.' She found someone who would really listen. Both of them moved on to other relationships and began new families. How did we miss alll that trauma? How did we stay together?
I love her today (forever).
Marriage is a daily choice, a fresh decision each morning. Marriage is dying to self, honoring your partner, putting someone else's needs and wants ahead of your own. Time to become a doormat? Not ever. But definitely time to offer and serve, help and hold, support and encourage. Guess what: Life is definitely not about 'me' --- it's more about 'u' and 'us.'
Every day is today (forever).
All those years ago, did I realize that love would cost me this much, require this much, yet somehow be so valuable? No. I just knew it was real, and worth giving up my freedom for. It was, so I did.
Three decades later life is richer and more fulfilling than my most extravagant ideas. The marriage of my dreams? It's the one I'm living in today, right now --- a summer evening spent counseling others and then driving home together, counting our blessings.
We are crazy in love, or maybe just crazy.
We can't wait to get home tonight, and luckily for us there is absolutely nothing to watch on cable. We call that a perfect evening...
| | |
| Today is our 31st anniversary; both impossible and surreal. We’ve been married for 5 or 10 minutes, maybe even 5 or 10 months? We are still entirely on our first honeymoon. 31 years? Random. But so far God has taken us to 50 US states, 9 provinces and 2 territories of Canada (territories are provinces by another name, eh?), and 42 nations of the world. 31 years? Unlikely. But so far God has granted us 10 published books; we just learned that Book #11 has been approved by the editorial team at Harvest House Publishers. Let’s get writing! 31 years? Survivors. So many of our friends have loved and lost, experiencing brokenness in their marriages. We are ordinary people – no different, no better – blessed to have somehow escaped the trauma of a fractured family. 31 years? Workers. Everyone wants to know if we’re taking a cruise or jetting off to Europe. Not exactly. We’re both working today, blessed to be employed in a global economic meltdown. Four words of advice for aspiring writers: Keep your day jobs. Today is our 31st anniversary; we had planned a nice dinner but a pastoral couple has asked for our help. Instead of dining out by candlelight, we’ll gather for 90 minutes of counseling others; helping a pastoral marriage heal, recover, and grow. Happy Trails. Although it’s always nice to come home, the truth for us is that home is a suitcase, a new destination, making new friends and visiting old ones, getting video e-mail from grandkids (like today!) and just being together. Home is being together. We wish you many happy trails in the days ahead. | | |
| We're just getting back from Christian Book Expo 2009 in Dallas. We've posted pix and info on our blog: http://www.emergingintofaith.blogspot.com Great event; we hope to make this an annual tradition! | | |
|
